I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
