i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
