I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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