i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
