that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
