We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
