He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize