Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dicks are not precious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
