My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
