you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
