i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
