Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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