East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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