I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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