I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
