Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
