I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
