I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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