I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
