Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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