Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
