I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize