It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
