I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
