We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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