it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
