Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
