She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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