if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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