i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
