Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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