I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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