Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
