I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize