I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
