sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
