how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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