I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
