I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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