ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
