Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
