Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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