He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
