I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
