It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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