ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
