is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize