bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
