Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
