On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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