Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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