You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
