You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish i was in the wii world.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
