It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
