They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
