Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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