90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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