dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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