that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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