I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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