this boner is exhausting
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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