My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
