the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
