i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
