If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
